Christmas Reaping

Christmas is this giant financial reaping that humans must survive once a year. Totally and completely insane. We go to church to focus peace, love and Jesus and then we go home, get really drunk, and pay off our kids like the little materialistic junkies they are. In the aftermath our kids are still bad.

The media pushes this addiction to consumerism worse than a crack dealer. Extra employees are hired, displays are made higher... All in the name of Jesus? Really? It's sick.

I never look forward to this time of year. But maybe I will this year cause I get to be an angel in the children's service.

Turkey Day

5 am
Daddy is it time to go to THE COUSINS house????? I have a LIST of everyone who is going to be there!!!! He is soooo Larry's SPAWN. I'm not sure I was there in the creation process.

I Drink More Coffee Than Water

Iv'e had a love affair for a long time with Juan Valdez.  If coffee were a country, I would move to it and live within its forests.  If coffee were a scent, I would bathe myself in it.  If coffee were a political party, I would be the number one grassroots volunteer to hit the pavement.  When I expire and depart from this plane of reality, I want to be buried naked in a coffin full of coffee beans. Preferably, Zabar's Kosher Vanilla Nut Beans from Manhattan. Trust me, it will make the viewing a real zinger, especially if life to be 92.  Kiddies, avery your eyes.  

Recently, I have been on some sort of extra special caffeine high.  I wish I could report it has been related to depression, exams etc.   I have basically had insomnia for weeks.  However, the truth of the matter is as I reported to a friend last week is that I bought a new Caprise coffee grinder and a new shipment of beans came in from Zabar's....  The truth is that I just LOVE the stuff...

People in the Over Eater's Anonymous report that their disease can be worse than the other 12 step addictions because you HAVE to walk in a grocery store...you HAVE to eat to live.  Well, I live in a situation almost as bad.  There is a Starbucks on EVERY corner where I live.  AND THEY HAVE DRIVE THROUGHS.  Can you imagine a city in which there is a drive through crack distributor on every corner?  Seattle for addicts?

Axl The Pioneer Dog

I'm in love with my dog husband, Axl Rose Gelbaugh. We call him a pioneer dog because he has a beard. How many dogs need to shave? His beard is truly a sign from the heavens that he is special. My dog is infatuated with me. Everyone needs a dog who is infatuated with her or him. However, infatuation does have its drawbacks (see Single White Female). For one, if I'm on our property and I'm not paying attention to His Highness, Axl goes nuts with the barking. The walls literally shake. This can be a problem when you live in an urban jungle instead of an actual jungle. So, I bought a remote control shock collar. Extreme, but the force is strong in Pioneer Dog. So, two days ago I heard the naughty barking and I reluctantly hit THE BUTTON. barking didn't stop so I upped the volts and did it again. Barking continued. I looked outside. It was the other dog barking. I had been zapping Axl for his sister's sins. Seriously Folks, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried...

Prince John and his Angry Birds

My four year old is obsessed with Angry Birds. I am convinced he is some sort of secret physics genius and the experiments he sets up will change life as we know it. Of course, he owns every single plush angry bird that can be found on Amazon. John spends HOURS setting up obstacles using pillows, pets, whatever. It is obvious that John is one of those TOUCH kids. Every day he asks me, "Mommy, Let's go to the App store to get some more Angry Birds." I knew John was on a higher plane of existance when I opened my new Angry Bird Space game on my IPAD and there were many stars on many levels. My four year old had infiltrated my IPAD and had conquered many aspects of the game. It's a burden being the mother of a genius. Sigh, John even separates the birds and the pigs every night into two different bedrooms so they won't fight. It's OBVIOUS that John is creating a scenario stating his beliefs regarding the current political situation in the Gaza Strip. I am watching him right now throw his Thomas Cars at his Disney Plush figures surrounded by green pigs. This is John's statement regarding our troops in the middle east. I asked John not too long ago, "What are you going to do with all those birds?" He said, "I am going to throw them at the birds." "I AM GOING TO THROW THEM AT THE BIRDS." Sigh.... It almost brought tears to my eyes.

Favorite Podcasts Hello All, Here are my favorite podcasts. I'm interested in knowing yours so please comment :) 1. Stuff You Missed In History Class 2. 60 Minutes 3. Stuff to Blow Your Mind 4. Dan Carlin's Hardcore History 5. Anything Ghost

Yo

Yo :) Perhaps a blog is some sort of egocentric celebration of one's musings and not so unique but self-declared random thought patterns. Some blogs are meant to ride upon hipster culture like a flea on my dog (PostSecret Anyone?). Some are meant to inform the soccer mom culture of the CORRECT foods to feed their obviously PERFECT families with no fat, additives, or TASTE. LADIES! JUST START FEEDING YOUR CHILDREN DRIED GRASS! HOWEVER, MAKE SURE IT CAME FROM A PESTICIDE FREE FIELD IN WHICH ONLY FREE RANGE CHICKENS HAVE LAID THEIR EGGS... This Blog, MY BLOG, is neither of these....its, well, my brain, the voices in my head sorted out and put out in cyber space, a sort of mental voyeuristic project. Hey, has anyone watched the series, "Touched?" IT"S AMAZING.-Tracy